Despite my best intentions, I have a well-documented inability to resist a handful of things that are potentially embarrassing and may be of somewhat questionable quality. At our house, we call this “having a problem,” as in “I have a well-known whipped cream problem.”
In no particular order, the main offenders are:
an open bag of Baked Lay’s
a twisty, windy stone staircase (particularly appealing if I can’t see the top)
even the most mundane paperback copy of Jane Eyre
the songs Black Betty by Ram Jam and Tom Sawyer by Rush
the movie Jaws
the gestalt that is Jennifer Lopez
The 10 Reasons I Have a Jennifer Lopez Problem
1. The Nautica Malibu Triathlon.
J. Lo. competed in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon in 2008, six months after giving birth to her twins. That race is the real deal: a 1/2-mile swim in the ocean, an 18-mile bike ride, and a 4-mile run. Sure, J.Lo probably had a small army of nutritionists and trainers to help her prepare, but when you’re flopping around in the ocean, or cranking the pedals on the bike, or slogging through those last leaden miles of the run, no one can do it for you. She did it. Herself. In 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 28 seconds. I was really impressed then, and I still think it’s very cool. [Read more at People and in my previous post about the triathlon.]
2. The Fug Girls and Hola, Lovers!
I almost blame the writers at Go Fug Yourself for my J.Lo affliction because of the persona they’ve created for her. They made me love her… and it’s a fake her! Most of the time, instead of writing their usual fashion mockery about what she’s wearing, they craft a monologue in J.Lo’s “voice” that is breathtakingly fabulous. Here’s a snippet:
They even have an “Hola, Lovers!” tag. Fabu!
3. Judging on American Idol
I’d finally, blessedly broken my addiction to watching American Idol, until J.Lo became a judge. Then I had to tune in every week to see (a) what she was wearing, and (b) she how she handled the contestants. I’ll admit it: I was completely charmed my J.Lo on that show. And this? This is the whipped coconut milk on top of a berry parfait:
4. Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, Out of Sight
Call me a sucker and maybe say I have lousy taste in movies, but I was charmed by her in these movies, too. Her smile emits light like a movie marquee, and underneath her girly giggle, there’s a little steel. Plus, I like a movie where the girl gets the boy, even it is silly and unrealistic. Real life is real enough, no?
6. Waiting for Tonight
I have never, ever in my life had this much fun going dancing. But I like to pretend a steamy night like this might exist for me somewhere.
7. The American Music Awards
This was perfect. It was right around the time J.Lo and Marc Anthony were splitting up, and I love the way she let the world know that she hadn’t lost her sass.
8. The MTV Movie Awards
The outfit! The dancing! The sense of humor! I was smitten.
9. Follow the Leader
There was a time when I was convinced I was going to get good at parkour; you can read about some of my adventures here and here (scroll to the links at the bottom). This video makes me want to revisit that goal.
10. “Dance Again” on American Idol
This is a two-fer. First, there’s the performance that was so J.Lo-esque, it went right off the chart and circled back around again. Second, there’s the Fug Girls reaction to the performance in their blog. LOVE! Watch the video and stick around ’til the end…
… then go to the Fug Girls post and revel in the snark. My favorite lines: “…why does he think I care about having confetti in my hair? I live my life like I have confetti in my hair all of the TIME, lovers.”
Turn it up to 11!
Why has Jennifer captured my heart? Is it the triathlon? Her title of World’s Most Beautiful Woman? The Fug Girls Hola, Lovers voice? The fact that she’s 43 and gets fitter and prettier every year? Is it my desire to live my life like I have confetti in my hair all of the time? Or it as simple as an outfit like this?
On Thursday night, in celebration of finishing my Dummies manuscript, the completion of the Whole30 Daily project, and the start of our working vacation in Philadelphia (come see me!), we’re going to a Jennifer Lopez concert in San Antonio. I created the ultimate J.Lo playlist to listen to obsessively from now until then — and on Thursday, I’m wearing a gold dress and lots of eyeliner. Olé, olé.
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