I went to bed at 8:00 p.m. last night. I’m like a toddler with a bedtime, crawling between the sheets while it’s still light outside! It was lovely, truth be told – and I got a glorious nine hours of sleep… which, oddly, didn’t make the alarm seem any friendlier at 5:53 a.m. I was even less excited when I saw the workout because I thought, That looks dumb. What I should have thought was, That looks like it will leave me a sweaty, wasted wreck.
Test 1: Cardio Hell
max cal airdyne in 3:00
max double-unders in 2:00
max meter row in 5:00
My score: 1099 Rx (meters + DUs + calories)
Ah, Satan’s Tricycle. It seems so unassuming at first, and then – like, 20 seconds into it – I look at the clock and cannot believe it’s been only 20 seconds. And then I got confused about how long we were stuck on the damn thing. I thought we were only going for two minutes, so I promised myself I’d “sprint” the last 30 seconds. Which I did. I was a f*cking champ from 1:30 to 2:00. And then I heard this loud crack – it was the sound of my heart breaking as I realized we had another minute left to go. It wasn’t pretty, and in my CrossFit-induced drunkiness, I didn’t take note of how many calories Satan chewed up. Coach Blake had my total, but my max cal is lost to the ages.
I stumbled to my jump rope and proceeded to eke out just two double-unders at at time. F*CK ME!
It was like this: single-single-single (mental deep breath) DU – DU – trip … over and over for two excrutiatingly long minutes.
At this point in our relationship, dear readers, I feel like I can confide in you my dark secrets. So here’s the truth: During the 5-minute row, I RESTED, like, three times. I didn’t just slow down for a few strokes to gather my wits and energy, I stopped. And sweated and panted. Ridiculous! But I did a little sneaky-peek at the results for today, and I think my total score stands up OK against the other ladies at the gym. (Although that ‘stop and rest thing’ mid-row is pretty bad. Oops.)
Then we rested for 10 minutes in preparation for part two.
Test 2: 3RM Snatch & Burpees
- The first 3 minutes: warmup and load barbell
- The remaining 7 minutes: complete 3RM snatch then max burpees
My score:50# snatch + 50 burpees = 100
I always giggle when anyone uses the word ‘snatch’ at the gym. (I know! I’m like a third grader!) So it’s with great glee that I say, My snatch was disappointing this morning.
I think my current PR is 55# and today I did three reps of 50# and LANDED ON MY KEISTER on the second one. That’s right! I dumped the barbell and myself right onto the floor. WOOT! According to Coach Blake, my lift off was good but I bent my arms too soon. This is not the first time I’ve heard this particular critique. I can overhead squat 85#, and I can clean 85#, so I know there’s a better snatch in me somewhere. [Insert your own snatch jokes; I'll wait.]
Anyway, I got my sorry ass up off the floor and did another snatch, then hit the burpees: sets of 10 unbroken ’til Coach Blake called ‘time.’ Fifty burpees. Not too bad for a taped-up shoulder at the end of a workout.
Then for fun, I did a :30 handstand against the wall and practiced moving my feet away for a millisecond to see if I can do it on my own yet. Um… not yet.
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