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Best. Email. EVER.

OMG! My lifelong wishes can now come true. Look what I got in my email inbox! Aren’t you jealous?

1. I can get a Summer Body EFFORTLESSLY! 
Woot! No more weight lifting or met-cons or doing things that are scary! No more dino-chow! It’s EFFORTLESS!

2. I can eat little pies and pastries!
According to those photos, my mistake has been not eating baby quiches, chocolate pastries, and bleu cheese. Consider me schooled!

3. Free makeup, too!
I never got eyeliner and lipstick at CrossFit. What a rip off!

4. Only $42 per day!
Here I am, investing in grass-fed beef and happy-chicken eggs and locally-grown produce. I could have been eating packaged food FedExed to me twice a week instead… for just 2-3 times what I spend on groceries now!

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9 Responses to “Best. Email. EVER.”

  1. Patti says:

    I want to try to specifically avoid this little rabbit hole. Our entire environment is designed to encourage us to consume. The whole idea that society's ideal is to starve yourself and look like a runway waif will never cease to confuse and annoy this caveman mommy. Nothing worth having is "effortless". I've been busting my ass to afford a pair of Louboutin's so I know!

  2. LauraAnne says:

    Bahahaha!!! This made me laugh my rear end off as I sit here eating Kale chips…Nice try E!!!

  3. dragonmamma says:

    $42.95 a DAY?! That's like…$1,300 a month!! Think how many steaks and hair products you could buy with that.

  4. Larcana says:

    Sadly, someone will order it.

  5. dana says:

    Wow! Hooray! I bet if I partner this up with my new Reebok training shoes that effortlessly tone my hips, thighs and butt I'll have a bikini body in time for summer!!!!!!

    My crossfit trainers and peeps are soooo punked!!

  6. Danni says:

    I could also drink/eat nothing but vodka for a month and probably lose a lot of weight. If I lived that is. It would be cheaper at least.

  7. Funke says:

    ITA with Patti! Nothing worth having comes effortlessly! Errm Thanks E! but i'll go have me some grass-fed ground bison! #smirk

  8. Melissa 'Melicious' Joulwan says:

    I love that y'all enjoyed this email as much as I did. Maybe we should all sign up and get shake weights, too!

  9. Brandy Colmer (@forceDotMom) says:

    um, judging by the date, maybe it was an April Fools joke? =-) If only. I am going to show this to my mom. She is forking over all kinds of money on a certain herbal vitamin pyramid scheme product which will remain un-named. My sis and I are working on convincing her that if she just would start eating real food, she would feel so much better.

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